Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize