Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
