And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
