sarcasm needs its own font
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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