we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
