Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
