HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
