I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize