Can i not drive my cunt home
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
