Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
