you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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