Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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