you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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