I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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