Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
