does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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