I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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