you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
