I'd wear matching sweaters with you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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