dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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