decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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