just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
