i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
