Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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