If that was your dad, he is hot
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
