Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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