how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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