i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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