Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
