just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
