after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
