I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize