I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
