Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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