I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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