someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
