Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
