pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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