We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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