Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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