We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
