THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
