Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
