i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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