Yo dont text me then not text me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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