I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.