I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
