I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
