i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
