yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize