my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
