winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
