what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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