My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just high enough for therapy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
