So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
