You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
