Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
